at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
