2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How does one acquire holy water?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
