with your own penis?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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