so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My balls are so social today.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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