do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
