dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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