Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
