i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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