Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize