the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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