He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
