Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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