Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
