Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
