God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
