i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
my liver is dry heaving
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
