Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
