Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
