I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
