I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
