You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
