My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
