Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
