You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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