yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
