A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
