Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
