i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
