she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
barbara walters just said penis...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
