I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize