I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Randomize
