What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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