A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
