She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
