i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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