The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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