i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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