Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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