I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
