Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
