I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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