I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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