Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dont even know how to be here
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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