Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
