Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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