That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
