We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
