hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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