I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
