I just pynch a tree in the face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
