The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
