He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
