just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
