ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
