I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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