Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
