I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's great music for shaving your balls
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
