I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
