Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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