This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
