It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
