So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
