he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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