I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
