Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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