We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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