She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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