its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
