OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
