Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
