Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
