Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
bring money and cleavage
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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