Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
