Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
