Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
