Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
