Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
