Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
