We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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