Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this beer tastes like vomit already
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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