unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
