I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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