okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
