My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
