You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
MIDGETS
????
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
