what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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