Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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