Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
