Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
